


Chemistry

by uncreativerabbit



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt, light spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:04:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1837048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncreativerabbit/pseuds/uncreativerabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Carlos stands Cecil up, he is dumped by a text message. Unwilling to give in, Carlos goes to Cecil's apartment to apologise, only to find Cecil giving in to some of his more darker thoughts.</p><p>Trigger warnings for suicide, although it's mostly fluffy towards the end. Spoilers only for the first couple of episodes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

‘Cecil? It’s Carlos, I’m sorry for not turning up for tonight’s date. One of the lab assistants spilt a little of the green mucus we were examining and it began to duplicate and spread up the walls, and I couldn’t pull myself from it to text you, both literally and somewhat metaphorically, at times. Again, I’m sorry.’

After texting Cecil his deepest apologies for missing their dinner date and film night, Carlos stepped into his bath to soak his muscles and clean off any remnants of the green mucus – for once, this was an actual occurrence and not an exaggeration -, but he couldn’t help but be concerned for Cecil. This was the fifth date of theirs in a row he had cancelled, due to science, illness, or that one time when he was completely scared out of his wits by the librarians and chickened out of meeting Cecil at the library. However, this time he had not just cancelled, but he had left Cecil actually at the Arby’s and had seen him walk home sadly. Carlos could not call out to him, as he was being strangled by this strange, green mucus, and opening his mouth would cause him to ingest some of it, and would have most likely lead to him vomiting. It was mucus, after all, and he imagined accidentally swallowing some of it would be equivalent to eating a mouthful of used tissues (he hadn’t done that before, but he could imagine the sensation).

It was as if Cecil’s light was slowly dimming from behind his eyes. The usually upbeat nature of the radio host and voice of Night Vale was still there, yes, but it was also so easily dropped, although out of sight, or so Cecil thought. He still reported on the horrible deaths, disappearances and often gruesome appearances with complete enthusiasm, and still greeted Carlos with a wide grin and slightly higher voice, but Carlos had detected bouts of sadness whenever he could not make a date, or had to turn down Cecil, beyond the typical. He painted on a smile but his voice became flatter, even if Carlos could spare ten minutes for a conversation. He became quiet, and only nodded and made small humming noises in response to Carlos’ long explanations of science, or the occasional, assumed undetected sigh. Carlos’ suspicions were heightened as he saw Cecil slump down against the kitchen wall and put his head in his lap, knees raised to his chest after rejecting his next date, once he had thought Carlos had left his apartment. Even the text messages had been different, there were no longer long paragraphs of ‘it’s fine, it’s okay, lets plan our next date’ after turning Cecil down, it had gone from short ‘it’s alright,’ to ‘ok’, to ‘k’, to Cecil not even responding the last time. Carlos was definitely sure that he would spoil Cecil rotten in return for constantly letting him down, especially after flat out standing him up.

As if on cue, Carlos’ phone lit up to reveal a text message from Cecil, which brought a smile to his face as he was relieved that Cecil had responded to him, and so quickly this time, as it got to one point where he would leave hours between responses. Carlos leaned over the bath, grabbed a towel to dry his hands, and picked up his phone – still leaning over so that if he dropped his phone, it wouldn’t be a disaster – to read the text message Cecil had sent him.

_‘Are you no longer interested in me? Were you ever interested in me?’_

Carlos almost dropped the phone then and there, but reflexes kept it grasped in his hand tightly, since dropping it may have broken it, and he wouldn’t be able to text Cecil. He needed to text him back urgently, as he felt as if his blossoming relationship was about to be broken, trampled on and die as quickly as it started. The both of them had been dating for around three months, give or take a little. According to the scientists, pop culture, teenage magazines and old woman Josie, three months was what made it official. Carlos didn’t care for dates, even more so in Night Vale, since chronology wasn’t specifically ‘a thing,’ as Cecil had nonchalantly put it to him once. They had been on three dates, passionately kissed once (before Carlos has assumed it would have gotten further, became terrified and bolted with a stammered goodbye, leaving Cecil confused and bemused at the door), and there was that one time where Carlos reached over Cecil in the car to get a bottle of water and had brushed his hand over his dick accidentally, which had lead Cecil to hunch up, stutter, lean against the wall and feign sleep for the rest of the trip, although he had a fierce blush on his cheeks that Carlos thought was cute.

Carlos ignored the drying soap on his body beginning to stick and feel as if it were stiffening his body and began to rapidly type out a response to Cecil’s question. He, himself felt stiff, and he wasn’t sure if he was going to throw up, faint, both, or his body was giving him the choice. He felt shaky, sick, he could hear his stomach churning. Rational thought and rationality – ‘the second thing a scientist is!’ he had once said to Cecil – had completely flown out of the window, but at this point, Carlos didn’t care. If irrational thoughts and being reliant on other people got Cecil back, he would shrug off the title of scientist and take up the title of Cecil’s boyfriend. In a lone part of his brain, he cursed this town for making him into an emotional mess, and for pushing Cecil towards him. Carlos did tend to blame Night Vale for everything though. He proofread the message with care to make sure nothing could hurt Cecil even more and clicked send.

‘What do you mean? Of course I was interested in you, and yes, I still am interested in you, very, very much. I promise you with all my heart that wasn’t a lie, the lab is still wrecked with the state of it, I even saw you walk away and tried to get to the window and shout out to you, but it had gotten me and I didn’t fancy ingesting a mouthful of still unidentified mucus. I can honestly say, Cecil, I will make it up to you. I’ve still got some time off that I can claim, so if you’ve got a day off, we can spend the whole day together, go out, do whatever you want, or sit in and watch films for the night, or if you’ve got a show, we could spend the day together, you go off and do your show and I’ll make dinner or something, apparently I can cook eggs really well (I can also cook pasta dishes quite nicely, but, wheat and wheat by-products), and then we can either sit and talk, play a board game, watch a film, and I can stay over, or you can stay here, although that’s only if you want to.”

Carlos had been about to type out his observations on Cecil’s behaviour but decided against it in the end, not wanting to push him away even more. Carlos wasn’t exactly the best person with emotions himself, he preferred to close everything up and hated when people pried, so he applied that same logic to Cecil, as he wasn’t telling him. However, he struggled to find a way to mention it, see if he was fine, and tell him that he would be there to talk to him if Cecil wanted to, but if he didn’t, that would be fine as well, as he didn’t want to pry, but he would still comfort Cecil if he needed him to, or even wanted him to. He quickly finished his bath, ran some shampoo through his hair carelessly, and as he stepped out, his phone flashed with Cecil’s response.

_‘No thank you, Carlos, I don’t want you to have to keep lying to me, I’d prefer if you were truthful. Goodbye.’_

Carlos ignored the towel and scrambled into his clothes quickly after pressing the call button on his phone and placing it on the windowsill, with it on loudspeaker. The call instantly went to voicemail, hinting that Cecil was rejecting the calls himself. Carlos continued to attempt to get through to him as he got his shoes on, and after the fourth rejected call, he put on his coat and ran down the stairs, out of his apartment and into the lab below, but he was stopped by one of his assistants, Elizabeth or someone like that, he didn’t look at first. He stood against the door frustrated, and before the young assistant, yes, Elizabeth, he found, could even brush a strand of wayward black hair out of her mouth, he stopped her and began to speak. She pinned up the piece of hair with a bobby pin, while listening intently.

“Cecil’s told me to pretty much shove off, he believes that I’m not interested in him and I think he’s ended it. He’s not answering his phone and I really, really want to fix this. I know my initial aim was to keep my head down, do the science, return with results and ignore his fawning over me on the radio, but I honestly can’t. I never expected him to become such a big part of my life, and I know I had a life before Night Vale and even if I just walked away now, I’d probably have a life after Night Vale, I can’t just leave him. I-I…” Carlos stuttered for a little bit before trailing off, looking down at his feet for a few seconds – he had put on brown dress shoes instead of his casual ones accidentally along with his jeans – and then snapping up, and putting a hand on the door.

“We know, Carlos, I just wanted to say that I hope it gets on okay, and if you need us, you know where we are. You don’t always have to be self-reliant though, we’re not only your colleagues, but we can be your friends.” Elizabeth responded, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. There was a slightly different relationship between the two of them, for they had grown up together and she was probably one of the only people who knew Carlos’ second name (Cecil had been very disappointed to find out that it was not ‘Scientist'), and she was one of the people who had believed that he could be a scientist, and elected to follow him through his career path. Now, she was choosing to push him along through his relationship, as well, and with a warm smile, she gave him her car keys (his car had unfortunately been swallowed by a black shadow) and sent him on his way.

“You do owe me for this, you know? If my car meets the same fate as yours, you’re paying some of it.” Elizabeth jokingly responded back to him, but Carlos was already out of the door. He was smiling at her comment, however.

The car ride was quick and relatively painless, apart from Carlos’ sorry attempts to organise exactly what he was going to say to Cecil without it falling into an argument, although he somewhat doubted that they’d argue long if they did, as he tended to go quiet and panic, and Cecil did strike him as somewhat of a crier, which would completely destroy any defence he would put up as he was sure the only thing that would go through his mind if Cecil started crying was that he needed to shut up and hug him. He pulled up at Cecil’s apartment complex and on the top floor, a curtain drew back slightly, revealing an incredibly pale and somewhat shaken Cecil, glancing out. A wave of panic and guilt crashed over Carlos and as he got out of the car, Cecil had disappeared from the window, so he hadn’t seen him. He felt relief in coming in Elizabeth’s car as Cecil will not know it was him at the door, and he would be able to get his foot in (maybe literally) before Cecil backed away.

Carlos hurried up the metal steps and, ignoring the doorbell, knocked on Cecil’s door. Inside the house, he heard Cecil drop something and mumble under his breath, although to Carlos, it just sounded like a menacing noise. Carlos didn’t want to speak just yet because he was unsure what effect that would have and didn’t want to reduce the chances of Cecil opening the door because he knew it was him. He waited for a little bit, gently tapping again (perhaps attempting to create the illusion of the Sheriff’s secret police so Cecil would have to open the door, or so he thought), before a bitter voice greeted him.

“It’s open, just push it in and down.” The voice, undeniably Cecil’s, although not as bright, not as friendly, not as warm, spoke out, loudly and harshly. It made no effort to conceal his emotions, and Carlos wondered if Cecil knew that it was him at the door. Nevertheless, Carlos pressed forward and opened the door, stepping into the rather bland living room of the apartment. The light was off, room shrouded in darkness, but a faint glow was coming from the door leading to the kitchen, which was ajar. The faint crackle of a radio was heard, the music, with a sad piano and a haunting voice lowered Carlos’ mood even more – could it be possible? – and he stepped forward to the kitchen door and pushed it gently.

He didn’t really know what he’d expect to see, of course, but there were things that were more probable, such as Cecil preparing dinner, getting a drink, doing some laundry as Cecil tended to live out of his kitchen since it was a kitchen and a dining room in one, the rest of his house was so small, but he didn’t expect to see his radio host, crouched down on the floor, picking up painkillers and placing them into a small pot. He was trembling quite visibly, and Carlos instantly knelt down next to him and began to help him pick up the pills. Cecil averted his eyes, and after collecting only a couple of the pills, Carlos couldn’t bear Cecil’s lack of actions towards him and he gently grasped Cecil’s wrist as he went down to pick more up. Cecil made brief eye-contact, and the pill in his hand bounced out.

“Cecil, what’s wrong?” Carlos asked, his voice little more than a whisper. He was so nervous, he had never been in a situation like this before, with someone who he was so unsure about. He was sure that he liked him a lot, at least, but he was not sure of their situation, whether they were together or not, or whether Cecil even liked him as a person, never mind romantically. He knelt there with his hand still around Cecil’s wrist for a couple of seconds while Cecil thought up a hasty response.

“Nothing, nothing at all. I’m just not feeling well, a headache, mainly, and I dropped the pills trying to get one out.” Cecil shook his hand free of Carlos’ grasp, picked up the rest of the pills and went to take one, but Carlos snatched it out of his hands quickly and threw them in the bin, he then dropped his hand in his pocket and pulled out two painkillers in their pack, cut off from the larger pack and handed them to Cecil, standing up, picking up a glass and pouring him a small amount of water.

“The others had been on the floor, it’s unhygienic and it probably won’t help your feeling ill, it’d probably be better just to stick it out than to take them. Those are the same brand, they’ll be fine. Come on, let’s get you into the living room and sat down. Of course, the first thing is your health, and whether you’re okay, but I would quite like to talk to you.” Carlos explained, taking Cecil’s hand to help him up. Cecil shrugged it off, popped the pills from their packet, took them, and then took the glass from Carlos, gulping down the small amount of water. Cecil grabbed a glass of clear liquid from the counter and then the both of them walked into the living room, Cecil in front of Carlos, and while Cecil sat on the dull, grey-but-probably-didn’t-start-out-that-way L-shaped sofa, Carlos searched for some sort of lamp, not as powerful as the overhead light to spare Cecil’s head from getting any worse. He found a spherical wall touch lamp above the sofa and as he pushed it in, the room had a dull, soft yellow light cast over it. Carlos sat down on the corner of the L and stretched out his arms across the top and Cecil shifted so that his back was firmly to Carlos.

Carlos cleared his throat and began to speak out to Cecil. His hand wavered slightly, he wanted to put his arm around Cecil so badly, or even just have his hand on his shoulder. He felt as if he would give anything for Cecil to even look at him, or acknowledge his existence, but Cecil only sat there, an unmoving, unemotional rock. Carlos knew that Cecil had been balling up something in his mind, and he knew that Cecil knew that Carlos knew, so allowed his emotions to bounce out of him somewhat, although not exposing his actual reasons. Pushing those thoughts aside, Carlos removed the carefully placed sieve from his mind to his mouth, and for the first time in ages, spoke what was truly on his mind.

“Look, Ceec-I mean Cecil, I don’t particularly know what to say at the moment and if I offend you in my words I am honestly, truly and very sorry. I’m not good with emotions and relationships and romance and even friendships or just people, for that matter, and I always seem to bury myself in science. I suppose we did rush into this relationship a bit, well, rush isn’t the right word, but I thought I could balance it. I thought I’d be prepared. It turns out I couldn’t, and I suppose to put in your words, I’ve been pretty much the biggest asshole of a boyfriend anyone could have. Tonight, and the prospect of losing you has completely shaken some sense into me, and I managed to think a lot in the bath, as you can see by the state of my neglected hair, and it made me think about you, and even though we’ve only been together for a few months, it made me think about how much I wanted you, and how much I wanted you to stay by my side. You’ve been upset for a while now and don’t think I haven’t noticed, I was just too scared to mention it as I didn’t want to push you away, and I don’t know what to do, Cecil. Seeing you like that makes me feel like shit though, as I know I’m the one who causes it. When I saw you slumped over with your head in your knees, it hurt so much but I didn’t know if I could comfort you as you had assumed I had gone…”

Carlos trailed off and Cecil spluttered, reaching for the glass that he had previously set down on the table. Carlos picked it up to hand it to him, but as he did, the smell tingled his nose and Carlos slammed the glass down and instead rubbed Cecil’s back to calm down his coughing. The smell was undeniably hydrogen peroxide (probably used to maintain the peroxide blonde hair that Cecil himself has) and this had now worried Carlos even more. This, the pills, Cecil’s lack of regard for hygiene, even though he’d been previously educating himself in science, Carlos was slowly and surely beginning to connect the dots. With what was pretty much the facts slammed right in front of his face, Carlos’ stomach felt as if it had dropped inside of him.

After calming down, Cecil turned around to look at Carlos as his plan had obviously been rumbled, he cursed himself for bringing the drink in with him. He wasn’t loved, no matter how much this façade continued to play, but he was hoping to deceive both himself and Carlos, have a small tiff, sort everything out, drink the solution and peacefully pass away in Carlos’ pseudo-loving arms. Of course, he was greeted with wide eyes, a mixture of guilt, anger and fear in them. What did he expect? He did just try and take his own life in this man’s arms, wouldn’t any person be annoyed at that? He relaxed and sat back, ready for the tirade of abuse that would convince him that he was no longer for this earth, and he wouldn’t have to keep up the enthusiastic character any longer.

“It’s isn’t the solution.” Carlos said to him, bluntly.

“I think you’ll find it is a solution.” Cecil replied, sarcastically, without a trace of humour. He didn’t want to face up to the situation he had just been caught in, so decided to play into the scientific and humourless jokes that Carlos seemed to adore to get away from the subject. He turned away from Carlos, bracing himself for the reaction.

He expected anger back, he expected a strained laugh, but he didn’t expect what the scientific, rational Carlos would do next. Carlos threw his arms around Cecil and hung onto his shoulders, although gently, and tucked the strands of his peroxide blonde hair behind his ear. He pressed a gentle kiss, a feather-light touch to the top of Cecil’s ear and spoke lowly, soothingly into it.

“Cecil darling, talk to me. It doesn’t have to be about this, or how you’re feeling, or anything like that. I suppose I’m going to word it how it is, because I can’t think of another way to say it. I want to be here for you, if you want me to be. I don’t want to pry into your life if you don’t want me to, I don’t want you to feel forced into saying anything you don’t want to just for my own sake. If you want to talk to me about this, then I’ll listen. If you want to sit here in silence, then I’ll sit with you. If you want to talk about science, cats, your radio show, then I will engage in a conversation with you. If you want me to make sure you’re okay, then I will. However, if you want me to leave you alone, I will, but only if you promise me you’re not going to harm yourself. If you don’t want me around but feel like you will, I’ll come over, or you can come over to mine, and I’ll stay out of your way. I suppose to summarise, I’ll be there for you no matter what, but you’ve got to tell me what you want. There is one thing I will not go down with without a fight, though, and that is ending this. Obviously, if you honestly and truly want to end it, I’ll accept it sadly and go back to my lab, and only contact you for non-personal reasons, but please don’t throw this away just yet. Please let me make it up to you.”

Cecil remained motionless, still, and Carlos sighed and removed himself from Cecil’s shoulders. He picked up the glass with the offending liquid in it and walked outside, putting it in a bag and throwing it in the large waste bin outside. The glass smashed and the liquid most likely poured into the bag, but the contents of the bin was not for recycling, so Carlos deemed it unimportant. At the top of the steps of the apartment complex stood Cecil, watching him. Carlos looked up and noticed Cecil looking down, his eyes seemed sadder, although a lot more open and warming. Carlos grinned at Cecil and he averted his eyes, although in the night, Carlos could still see a faint blush painted on his cheeks. He climbed the stairs two at a time, as his long legs allowed him to, and put his hand on Cecil’s hip, guiding him in.

“I threw it away so you wouldn’t drink out of that glass again. I’m not sure how strong your cleaning agents are or what was actually in the glass, and I didn’t want to risk you poisoning yourself.” Carlos told him, and once they were inside, he shut the door.

“Would you like another drink? Coffee, or something?” Carlos asked once they were in, and Cecil, who had brought his balled hand up to his mouth and was nibbling on the tip of his thumb, nodded a couple of times, going to sit down again. Carlos smiled and went into the kitchen to make the coffee, keeping the door open to watch Cecil when he could afford to, keeping an eye on him and making sure that he didn’t do anything rash. The kettle was incredibly old and took a while to boil, and Carlos leant against the kitchen counter, watching Cecil in the dully illuminated room, grabbing the purple blanket off the back of the sofa and wrapping himself in it, lying down and appearing to stare out of the large window opposite the sofa. He took his square glasses off, folded them up and put them on the glass coffee table.

The neglected radio still continued to play the same song on repeat, but during that time, it had become only background noise to what was going on, becoming more muffled by the closed kitchen door. Carlos switched the song off and while the kettle was boiling, it gave him time to sink into his own thoughts. He had been running on pure adrenaline mixed in with a tiny little amount of rational thought, and hadn’t been able to develop his own emotions on the situation more in-depth than ‘I’ve got to make sure Cecil stays with us.’ Now that he was away from the situation and about ninety-two per cent sure that Cecil wouldn’t do anything rash, he could finally weigh up the situation. The thought of losing Cecil pained him more than he expected, especially considering his opinion of Cecil when he had first moved to Night Vale.

Yes, when he had first met Cecil, he was taken aback by his brightness and obvious fawning over him even from day one. When he had tuned into the government-mandatory ‘Welcome to Night Vale’ show on the community radio, he felt almost horrified at Cecil’s fawning. Here was a man who didn’t even know his last name, for goodness’ sake, already pinning titles like ‘perfect’ to him. It had also created it impossible for him to create his own identity out of his group of scientists, as he was only known as ‘Cecil’s scientist.’ Many of the residents had not even bothered to learn his name, many of the residents and Cecil, made, he felt, a mockery of the scientific practices that he performed and it was as if he had been inserted into a soap opera. He even felt respect for him decline in the team of scientists, even though he was the leader.

However, as he stayed in the town longer, he realised that was not the case. Cecil was genuinely interested in him and what he had to say, and didn’t just see him as a ‘perfect’ pretty face. He would report on any scientific case he had to, even if it got him pulled in by the government and he had gotten into trouble. While Carlos thought Cecil’s bluntness towards some of Carlos’ discoveries was rude, telling him that it was something that had already occurred, he then realised that it was just something that happened in Night Vale, and he would react the same if someone told him humans thrived off of oxygen. That was the thing about Cecil, he was completely true through and through until he was punished for it. His persistence for a date, while first insulting to Carlos became flattering, because Cecil pursued him out of his own genuine love and interest. If Cecil said he loved you, he meant it, because he knew nothing else but to be truthful until someone told him not to.

Of course, a relationship developed, and the first few dates were lovely. Idly chatting, watching western films and scientific documentaries and emailing back and forth about everything. Liking every post on Tumblr about each other, sending the goofiest snapchats about anything they could find. Like every relationship, the honeymoon period ended, and only one date was had after that. This was the date they had passionately kissed in Cecil’s apartment, but as the first button of Carlos’ plaid shirt came undone, Carlos had stammered an embarrassed excuse and left-oh goodness! A look of panicked realisation had come over Carlos’ face on what this could have meant to Cecil now. While he sat at home blushing into his sofa and rubbing his face into a pillow like a silly schoolchild, Cecil had been out of his mind, second-guessing every action and reaction of Carlos’ and had come to the conclusion that he no longer liked Cecil. He ran away and kept cancelling dates, and then stood him up, each with barbaric and unbelievable (but true) excuses, even for a town like Night Vale! Green mucus? ‘Yes, Cecil, someone in Night Vale had a bad cold and now it’s trying to attack me,’ Carlos spat bitterly, sarcastically in his mind.

As the relationship did develop, they were bound to expose some skeletons in the closet of each of them, and Carlos could not fully blame himself for Cecil’s thoughts. Anybody could think of suicide and wonder what would happen if they committed it, it was a natural human thing (such as how sometimes people think about killing others and what would happen). Coupled with Cecil’s depression, which scientifically was nothing more than a chemical imbalance of the mind that draws out on the most deepest, darkest and negative emotions. However, rejecting his dates didn’t help him, and with Cecil’s genuine and pure love displayed on a silver platter for him to take, what he had done was the equivalent of knocking the platter out of his hand and trampling it into the ground. He had to take quite a large piece of the blame.

The kettle had stopped boiling ten minutes ago and Carlos had spilled a teaspoon of coffee granules while locked in his thoughts. Even Cecil thought this strange, and sat up, looking over into the kitchen to see his boyfriend – yes, boyfriend, Cecil decided – looking stressed and panicked, and he immediately felt guilty himself for putting this on Carlos. He could have sulked off in a pit of self-pity, or kicked Carlos out of his apartment, but for the first time since Carlos foiled his plan, he spoke up to him.

“Carlos? Are you okay?” Cecil asked hesitantly, looking right at Carlos’ deep in thought face, although it was blurry due to his lack of glasses. Carlos’ head snapped up as he was broken out of his deep thought, and he observed his mess. Quickly moving to clean it up, he swept the coffee granules into his hand and threw them into the bin, put a new teaspoon in the cup, re-heated the water and brought some coffee coasters into the living room, setting them on the glass table. Cecil had lay back down at this point, and Carlos ran his fingers through Cecil’s hair soothingly. Cecil smiled for the first time that night, a smile Carlos returned as he left to get the cups, a white one with a comical tabby cat for Cecil, and a NVCR mug for him (Cecil had about seven since he could get them for free), and filled them with boiling water, bringing them into the living room and handing Cecil his mug. They both sipped their coffee, winced as it was incredibly hot, and put it down. Carlos took his seat back in the corner of the L-shaped sofa, and Cecil moved so that his head was resting on Carlos’ knee. Carlos continued to rub circles into Cecil’s scalp, threading his fingers in and out of his hair to relax him.

“Cecil, I’m sorry for zoning out in the kitchen. I’m afraid your boyfriend, while he might have a degree in chemistry, that’s only in regards to the scientific chemistry, not human chemistry. I realised that after making that excuse while we were kissing, and then missing dates obviously spelt out that I wasn’t interested in you, when I very much was, I just couldn’t pull myself away. I suppose the only thing was, I got incredibly nervous and didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t want to shatter your illusions of me being perfect. I’m so sorry Cecil, I’ve been such a flake.” Carlos explained, leaning down to look at Cecil’s face, which to his surprise, was beaming back up at him. Cecil’s hand reached up and cupped Carlos’ angled jaw, stroking it gently.

“It’s okay, it was my mind jumping to conclusions. Also, who uses the word flake to describe themselves?” Cecil chuckled, and Carlos joined in, enjoying the sound of his boyfriend’s happiness.

They both remained there silently for at least a couple of hours, Carlos still lazily playing with Cecil’s hair, and Cecil remaining cozied up in the blanket on Carlos’ lap. Both of them occasionally took mouthfuls of their coffee, but mostly remained in their own, comfortable thoughts and in the silent but relaxing company of each other. Cecil had moved around a bit, and had stilled for about half an hour, so Carlos assumed he was asleep. He finished off his coffee and tilted over Cecil to see his face, to see big, brown eyes looking up at him, with his thumb still resting against his lips. Carlos leant down and brushed some of Cecil’s dyed hair from his forehead and decided to kiss it, closing his eyes, but stopped halfway. He opened them again to see Cecil’s eyes squeezed shut, his shoulders up and a small, expectant smile on his face. Carlos exhaled with a grin and pressed his lips against Cecil’s forehead, getting a small, satisfied noise from Cecil in return. Cecil’s eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Carlos, blinking, and then pulling his head down, threading his fingers in his hair.

“I’m very sorry about today,” he apologised quietly.

“Don’t be, a good portion of it is my fault for being a crappy boyfriend.”

“You say that, but here you are, being a caring and reliable boyfriend, much better than the ‘perfect’ person that I pinned you up to be. I can’t believe I almost chucked you away and could never get you back. I can explain, if you’d like, but it would probably sound very stupid to you.”

The moment went from romantic to serious again, and Carlos sat up, lifting Cecil up with him. He gently put his arm around Cecil, cupping his shoulder with his hand and rubbing the top of it with his thumb. He, slightly taller than Cecil, leant down to be able to look him in the face with a warm smile and in return, he got a sad and slightly scared smile. Carlos reached up with the other hand to brush a piece of Cecil’s hair out of his face and then let his hand drop down from the top of Cecil’s head around the curve of his cheek, holding it.

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, because that’s the last thing I want you to feel. But, if you do want to explain, I’ll listen to every word. Nothing is stupid, at all, especially if it was hurting you so much for you to contemplate taking your own life. As hard as it is to believe, I can comprehend more than just mere science, of course.” Carlos responded with a nervous chuckle. He felt Cecil shift as he moved back so that his head was resting on Carlos’ shoulder, in the curve of his neck, his hand pressed up against Carlos’ chest. He shook his head and Carlos shifted again so that he was sitting up with his legs outstretched on the sofa and Cecil was lying down. One thing that had been neglected, however, was his shoes, and Cecil sighed with a smile, sat up and removed Carlos’ shoes before resuming his position in his scientist’s arms.

“I’ve always known honesty, and I’ve always been a person who struggles to deceive others, lying to people isn’t in my nature, unless it’s required for my job, although it never is!” He added the last bit for the sake of the Sheriff’s secret police, in case they were listening.

“In regards to my feelings, I’ve just learnt to go with the flow, but I kind of know what I’m feeling from the beginning, you know? I knew I loved you from the start and I followed that, and I obviously got a very, uh, strained response from you in regards to my feelings, and I got quite hesitant, but I took the fact that you hadn’t blatantly denied me as motivation to continue to push through. You responded, and I became very excited to pursue this, but when it began to dim because of your work, I got scared, really. I mean, not many people actually accept my personality for who I am, I get punished for it all the time, and I was already feeling down because of Station Management and the loss of another intern, and Steve Carlsberg was being a complete asshole again, and I thought that I was just so disposable to people, that I was only a voice that reported on news and scientific things, and that I could easily be replaced, people would be happier without me, I mean hell, my voice isn’t even suitable for the radio! I suppose I just started tripping and then completely tumbled down the hill, but you reached out and grabbed my arm at the last second.” Cecil explained, and once he had finished, he had looked up at Carlos to see him staring off into the distance, the hand not holding Cecil was under his chin as if his middle finger was completely supporting it.

Carlos, was of course, left unable to respond after Cecil pure and innocent confession of his feelings, and it felt as if a pick-axe had struck his already sinking heart. He didn’t know what to do, he felt so guilty that tears were glistening in his eyes, revealed to Cecil by the dully illuminating lamp, but he didn’t want to allow them to spill as Cecil would try to comfort him, and he didn’t want to turn the attention onto himself. It was a difficult, complex emotion, and it was coupled with Cecil’s incredible observant ability. He tried to speak, but his voice ended up cracking on the first sound that left his mouth, and within moments of speaking, he found himself thrown down, pinned to the sofa clumsily by Cecil with his face buried into Carlos’ chest. Cecil got up suddenly, still pinning Carlos by the shoulders and looked at him frantically, speaking in the same way.

“Carlos, Carlos, Carlos? Oh Carlos, please don’t cry, you’ll start me off! I’m sorry! Why are you crying, have I said something to upset you? I’m ever so sorry.”

Carlos couldn’t help but laugh at Cecil’s innocent reaction and a tear dripped from his left eye and trickled down the side of his face (as he was on his back, the tears didn’t go down his cheeks, which was a blessing since they were gone quicker). Cecil’s face looked horrified that his scientist was crying and now, his eyes were filling up (adding to Carlos’ guilt).

“I’m so sorry Cecil, I can’t think of the amount of ways I need to apologise to you. I won’t insult you by begging for your forgiveness, because I really don’t deserve it.” Carlos quietly mumbled, attempting to steady his voice, although it did break once or twice. Cecil, on the other hand, was completely dumbfounded by Carlos’ response, he had already earned his forgiveness from the moment he had saved his life, although Cecil did internally admit that he wanted to test him a little bit before taking him back, as sometimes, gut feeling wasn’t enough – it had been correct, this time, however.

A tear from Cecil dripped onto Carlos’ face and Cecil reached his hand forward, for it to be grabbed by Carlos in a split second. Cecil bit his lip, unable to make eye contact with his boyfriend, but all of a sudden he grabbed Carlos again and began to frantically list things in an attempt to comfort him.

“Yes you do! And you have and you can, I mean you’re already forgiven and if you don’t feel satisfied there are more ways although I don’t want you to feel forced and you don’t have to do them if you don’t want to. We could, I don’t know, spend more time together, email each other a bit more, or send a snapchat a day or something, or even just a short text message before we go to bed or get up in the morning or something, or if you want something to do now, if you stay with me, that would be nice, we could watch a film together, or a documentary, and you can stay the night – only if you want to! – and I could cook for you, and, and-!”

Cecil’s dam, holding back his emotions for the past few weeks had slowly been cracking in this night, and now it had fully burst. He silently lay back down on Carlos’ chest and his shoulders heaved a few times, he buried his face into Carlos and wrapped his arms around him. Carlos did the same, although he threaded one of his hands into Cecil’s hair (it felt rather dead, he must persuade Cecil to perhaps stop dying it for a bit) and began to massage his scalp. Another hour passed, the both of them in each other’s arms, Cecil crying, and Carlos shedding a few silent tears. After he had finished, Cecil lifted his head, sniffing, and wiped one of his eyes.

“Stay the night. Please. I’ll wash your clothes overnight, and I’m sure I have something that’ll fit you for pajamas.” Cecil begged, although to Carlos, he really didn’t need to.

“Okay.” He mumbled hesitantly, as Cecil happily rolled off of him and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek. He stood up, brushed himself off and picked up his glasses, turning to look at Carlos, who was still on the sofa lying down, slightly more confused now.

“I’m going to go and have a shower now, feel free to put your clothes in the washing machine, and the bedroom is the second door on the left. I don’t have a separate toilet, so if you need to go, go now.” Cecil instructed as Carlos stood up and stretched. He nodded and walked towards the bathroom door – the first door on the left – and shut himself in there, stripping down to his underwear before chucking the clothes out to Cecil to put in the wash. As he used the toilet, he zoned out again, although this time, he wasn’t particularly thinking about anything. A few minutes later, there was a knocking on the door, and Cecil’s voice could be heard.

“Carlos? Are you okay? You’re feeling well, aren’t you? Have you fallen asleep in there?” Cecil asked, with a slight hint of laughter to his voice. His claims of Carlos falling asleep in there weren’t fully untrue, and Carlos opened his eyes to find himself resting his head on the toilet roll holder (Cecil’s choice of toilet paper was very comfortable). He quickly stood up, sorted himself out and then flushed the chain, he could hear Cecil’s laughter from outside.

“There’s a shirt out here for you, I’ve left it folded and on the floor. I don’t tend to wear trousers to bed so I don’t have any, sorry.”

Carlos opened the door, picked up the red shirt and put it on, buttoning it up as he walked into the bedroom. Cecil must have either stolen his ex-boyfriends’ shirts or bought specific ones a few sizes bigger to sleep in. He opened the door of the bedroom and stopped dead at the sight of the room. The rest of Cecil’s apartment was boring and bland, white walls, wooden flooring, and worn, old furniture, with not much in the living room apart from a wooden coffee table and an old TV set, along with a lamp, and he was shocked how un-Cecil like the lack of colour was. However, Cecil’s bedroom was probably one of the most beautiful rooms he had seen, and it fit Cecil’s personality perfectly. The walls were a deep shade of purple, although a dark colour, the large glass balcony doors, framed with white curtains and open, brought in a lot of light. The floors were a darker wood with a black rug with a white star motif thrown underneath the bed (although big enough to expand out onto the surrounding areas), and in the middle of the room was the double bed, a black metal framing with white and black sheets. Carlos walked in and found his phone and a glass of water on one of the bedside tables, picking it up and checking the time (probably false). It was just after midnight. He climbed into the bed, sprawling out for the few minutes he got before Cecil climbed in beside him, and the gentle, relaxing sound of the shower’s trickle helped him drift off to sleep.

A few moments later, he was awoken by the soft thud of Cecil climbing in next to him, his wet hair chilling against his warm skin. Cecil looked up at him, smiling, and cuddled up to him, his head against Carlos’ chest. Carlos yawned and lifted his arm to wrap around Cecil, it has been almost forever since he’d shared a bed with someone, and the second time he had shared a bed with someone he loved, although it was the first where the other person loved him back. In university, he had drunkenly shared a bed with his straight ‘crush’ (of some sorts), although nothing of a sexual nature had occurred. Would it happen with Cecil, tonight? He didn’t know, but he also didn’t know his answer if Cecil proposed it.

He doubted it though, for now, as the only thing Cecil seemed intent on doing was completely wrapping himself around Carlos and lulling his head from side to side, sleepily. Carlos put his head on Cecil’s forehead, pushing the few strands of hair that rested there back into his wet mop of hair. Cecil looked up at him, eyes teary with tiredness, and Carlos’ heart almost melted at the look.

“Shh, go to sleep now. You obviously need it. I’ll be here in the morning, I’m not going anywhere.” Carlos murmured, stroking the side of Cecil’s cheek with the arm that was around him. Cecil pressed a light kiss to Carlos’ angular jawbone, and Carlos, who found Cecil’s sleepy action unbearably cute, kissed him gently, and Cecil lazily and sloppily returned the kiss as Carlos tried to supress a smile. This was a night time routine he could very much get used to, if Cecil would allow him to. Once they pulled away, they both looked at each other lovingly, for the last time that night.

“I love you.” They both spoke in unison, before falling asleep, curled up in each other’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cecil and Carlos seek comfort in each other's bodies, but Carlos' worries and fears hold him back.
> 
> (To put it crudely, it's angsty shagging as requested by a few people :) )

Carlos only slept a short while, waking up sprawled out in the middle of the bed. His first reaction was to grasp the sheets, sleepily, looking for Cecil, and he instantly got worried when he couldn’t find his boyfriend, especially after the night and emotions the both of them had shared. Had Cecil’s toxic thoughts and feelings come back? Had he decided that life and Carlos was not worthy of his presence (although Cecil himself probably thought the opposite)? However, his thoughts were soon calmed with the sound of Cecil coughing in the bathroom and the flushing of a toilet. Carlos closed his eyes again as he heard the door creak open, and he could feel Cecil’s presence standing over him.

“Oh, I really don’t have to want to move you Carlos, you look so peaceful and adorable, but I can’t get in.” Cecil whispered to a Carlos he assumed asleep, perching on the edge of the duvet. Carlos flicked his eyes open, surprising Cecil slightly, and the two of them shared a warm smile.

“Then don’t,” was Carlos’ whispered response, thick with sleep, as he laid out his arm and gestured for Cecil to lay next to him. Cecil lifted up the cover, climbed in and rolled over towards his scientist, lying on his side to face Carlos. Carlos moved his arm so that it was wrapped firmly around Cecil’s shoulders, holding him close. However, it was only mere moments before Cecil shifted away from Carlos and lay at the other end of the bed, huddled into himself and quiet. Carlos was confused about this sudden outburst and shifted over towards his boyfriend, although resisted the urge to touch him.

“Cecil, what’s wrong?” Carlos asked softly, almost giving into the urge by reaching out towards Cecil, although stopping his hand mid-air a few seconds later, leaving it to drop on the pillow, still in the same position.

“Nothing. Today. I just, I just, I was being incredibly stupid and I’m sorry to have burdened you and made you do this, and I’m sorry for being a diva and throwing a bit of a hissy fit, and God, I feel so embarrassed for my behaviour earlier.” Cecil responded at first sharply, but softened once he gave his apologies.

This made Carlos stop in his tracks. When a person has a breakdown (he wasn’t a stranger to those), in the aftermath, they can take many different paths once what they have done has sunken in. One, quite common path is the path of embarrassment and possibly even guilt. This was the path that Cecil had taken, and Carlos needed to tread carefully in this. Cecil wanted to pretend as if this had never happened and hated himself for burdening Carlos, as if he didn’t want anyone else to know about his own dark thoughts and tragic intentions. Carlos sighed and placed his hand on Cecil’s shoulder, moving his body so that it was facing him again. Cecil first put up some resistance, but Carlos’ quiet and desperate mumbled ‘please,’ was enough to make him turn to face his partner.

“Listen, your feelings are never stupid, they’re never something to be ashamed of. Please, please stop doubting yourself Cecil, because everything you feel is something worthy, and it’s never going to be a burden to me, no matter what. Especially something that’s going to make you consider removing yourself from this life, because I want you to thrive and carry on living in a way that makes you happy, because I want you to be happy. Remember what I said earlier tonight, about being able to turn to me for anything, I did actually mean it.” Carlos explained, and then reached for Cecil’s jaw, rubbing his finger down the bone. He leant in closer, the last view before it blurred was Cecil’s wide eyes, and he could hear his breath hitch. Cecil abruptly turned away and Carlos sighed, not giving in.

“Cecil? I wanted to kiss you.” Carlos pretended to pout, although Cecil’s back was still turned to him. Cecil groaned and this confused Carlos, as Cecil was often prone to bursts of romance and from his radio shows, he seemed to adore them. His thoughts were beginning to spiral out of control, so he stopped them by talking to Cecil.

“What?” Carlos asked, in response to Cecil’s groan.

“My chest feels heavy. It really hurts.” Cecil confessed, and Carlos smiled, realising Cecil’s chest pain was most likely not indigestion or cardiac arrest, but an emotional reaction. He slid forward so that his body was pressed against Cecil’s and pushed his hand up Cecil’s shirt and rested it in on Cecil’s chest, palm to his heart.

“Does that make it feel better?” Carlos spoke softly to his boyfriend, beginning to move his hand around his chest soothingly, although he was ninety-nine per cent sure that the problem was also not heartburn or a pulled muscle, although he did consider how stupid he would have looked if that were in fact, the problem.

“No, it makes it feel worse.” Cecil whimpered, and such an innocent reaction provoked a grin from Carlos. He was now ninety-nine point nine per cent sure of his original theory, and decided to voice it to his confused boyfriend.

“Love. It’s a scientific diagnosis. Mine does it too, whenever I think of you, or you do something romantic. That time you kissed me, I thought that I was going to stop breathing, which was completely illogical of me, but then again, love is never logical, and I think that’s the reason it is one of the most sought after things, even for someone who is surrounded by logic and science and thrives in it. We all like a challenge, something we can’t explain, it’s human instinct.”

Carlos playfully flicked Cecil’s nipple, causing Cecil to shove his hand out of his top and turn around to face his boyfriend. He had understood the full nature of Carlos’ words and blood had rushed to his cheeks. Carlos looked at his boyfriend’s both innocent and shocked expression and was glad that he had finally gotten through to him.

“Can I kiss you now?” Carlos asked, not wanting to surprise his possibly unstable boyfriend with any sudden actions, in case he didn’t want them. Cecil rolled his eyes and wrapped his hands around Carlos’ neck, pressing his own lips against his. Carlos relaxed instantly and allowed Cecil to lead, leaving his lips parted very slightly, if Cecil wanted to take this further. Cecil responded to Carlos’ actions by gently nibbling on his bottom lip, pulling it slightly before drawing back to look at his boyfriend.

“Who the hell asks if they can kiss someone?” Cecil playfully chided, before leaning back in and initiating another long kiss. The kiss was only chaste for a few seconds before Cecil took advantage of Carlos’ relaxation into it. He pushed his tongue gently through Carlos’ slightly parted lips, taking him aback for a few seconds before he himself eagerly responded to Cecil’s advancements. There was still a hint of hesitation, however, and it was over all too soon for Carlos when Cecil pulled away for breath, although he still held eye contact with his boyfriend.

Both of them were breathing heavily, still staring at each other, and remained this way for a short period of time. However, both Cecil and Carlos were growing impatient at the lack of intimacy between them, and while Carlos was too nervous to act on it, not wanting to push Cecil, he completely had other ideas. Swinging his leg around Carlos’ legs, he straddled his boyfriend and pushed him firmly into the pillows and Carlos swallowed, not knowing what his intentions were. A mix of fear and want, possibly with a hint of lust flashed through his expression, but Cecil only picked up on the fear and stopped straight away.

“Carlos? I didn’t mean to frighten you, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” He asked with a look of inquisitive worry on his face, as he reached forward again to brush a stray lock of hair out of Carlos’ face. Carlos smiled at his touch and grasped his hand, bringing it down to cup his own face with Cecil’s hand for a few seconds. With a devilish grin (although it came off as incredibly goofy to Cecil), he pulled Cecil down for a quick but passionate kiss, pushing him up instantly after.

“Who said I was frightened? Well, I suppose I am a little, but I think everyone does get a bit apprehensive at the prospect of, you know, this. I am, however, much more interested in carrying this on with you, if you’d like.” Carlos responded to Cecil’s question in earnest, and Cecil, within seconds kissed his boyfriend, skipping anything soft and gentle, moving straight on to a more passionate kiss. Their tongues clashed passionately, and Carlos arched up with Cecil’s movements and to push their bodies closer. Cecil smiled against Carlos’ lips at his instinctual movement as they pulled away for breath once more, but the second Carlos began to relax, Cecil pushed his hips against Carlos, causing a sharp, surprised gasp from Carlos as his eyes fluttered shut.

Cecil scooted up closer to Carlos, so that he was now firmly sitting on his lap and began to unbutton his shirt, buttons coming loose with ease as the shirt was old and worn, although Cecil knew it probably wouldn’t be washed for a while now since Carlos’ scent was bound to be embedded within the fabric for quite some time. He only unbuttoned a couple of them as the shirt now gaped open, exposing a large portion of his chest. Cecil nestled his head where the lowest button that had been opened was, and began to trail light butterfly kisses up his chest, occasionally sucking gently at the flesh. He pulled the shirt off one of Carlos’ shoulders and sucked at his collarbone, leaving a red mark which would most likely later turn into a lovely bruise and would force Carlos to conceal that area to avoid any questions (not that anything was secret in Night Vale, of course).

When Cecil pulled back, the look on Carlos’ face stunned him into stilling as he admired it. Carlos was leant back against the pillows, eyes closed, lips wet and parted, skin flushed and to Cecil, this display of messy, raw emotion made Carlos more perfect than when he first bounded into town with perfectly tousled hair and an angular jaw. Carlos allowed his eyes to slowly open and he gazed at Cecil with an unintentional seduction. While Cecil wanted to keep him there forever, perfect and his, Carlos had other ideas, and set about his own consensual assault on his boyfriend, cupping his face in his hands and drawing him in for another passionate kiss. Without breaking the kiss, Cecil pushed himself forwards and into Carlos’ groin, causing the both of them to groan (Carlos a bit louder than Cecil) and pull away.

“What are we going to do?” Cecil whispered seductively into his boyfriend’s ear, taking the lobe of it in between his teeth gently and nibbling, provoking a shiver from Carlos.

“I’ve never done this before.” Carlos nervously replied, apprehensive about Cecil’s reaction to his confession.

“What? You’ve ne-“  
“No.  
“Even kissing?”  
“Not really.”  
“So you’r-“  
“A virgin, yes.”

“What do you want to do?” Cecil asked again, this time he was hunched over and looking up at Carlos with an innocently worried expression. Cecil hadn’t agreed with Carlos, and therefore made an unspoken confession that he did have experience with more intimate and passionate things, and Carlos, although it was expected, especially of a man of his age, he couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of jealousy. However, the story about the retention of his virginity was to either be saved for post-sex cuddling (Were they going to have sex? He sure wanted to) or another day. Carlos looked up at Cecil again, hoping the silence would spur the awkward-silence-hater Cecil into an array of nervous babbling and perhaps even providing some options for how the night would turn. He had felt all confidence seep away into the floorboards and was probably dribbling into the downstairs flat, so he couldn’t merely just tell Cecil he wanted to have sex with him.

Cecil was the first to break the silence, by giving Carlos another, more gentle kiss. Carlos, all of a sudden felt as if he were a lost child and did what he often resorted to when feeling incredibly nervous, he hung his head and cowered away, he could feel tears pricking at his eyes and he, going against everything he had said to Cecil that night, wanted to conceal his emotions. He had gone flaccid and by the sensation on his lap, he could sense that Cecil had too. However, the watchful eyes of his boyfriend had picked up Carlos’ emotions and he shifted off him, sliding himself under the covers and pulling them over Carlos. Once under, he pulled Carlos into his arms and Carlos hugged him back tightly.

"I’m so sorry, I didn’t think I was scared, I just don’t know, I mean I wanted you to carry on, I-I everything about sex terrifies me and I don’t know why, it’s a completely illogical fear!" Carlos stuttered into Cecil’s shoulder, and Cecil, a person more gifted with the ability to sense emotion and comfort than Carlos, someone who thought himself to be rather awkward, gently shushed him and began to run his fingers through his hair to calm him down. Carlos pressed his head into Cecil’s shoulder, as if wanting to hide away from the world. They lay there for what seemed like hours to Carlos, minutes to Cecil, and probably to Night Vale, an unspecified amount of hypothetical time because time does not work in Night Vale.

Carlos had always been someone who adored cuddles, although he never explicitly told anyone because, well, he didn’t really know why he’d never tell anyone. Perhaps he wanted someone to read him and to find out that he loved them, perhaps he was too shy to tell anyone at all. He’d never truly had any sort of proper, meaningful relationship before. He had experienced the young teenage relationships that last two months and the whole school become an audience for the quickest, most chaste kiss ever, often with lips so pursed they look near to beaks, but never anything meaningful. The first meaningful crush he’d ever had was in university, for Christ’s sake, and that was on a straight guy (a straight guy who drunkenly snogged him). He shifted up and moved away from Cecil, and Cecil looked up at him as he sat up. Carlos mumbled a series of ‘filler words,’ as his mother had once called them, the um’s, the ah’s, and he couldn’t even think of a coherent sentence. Cecil patiently waited for him to speak, however, and that in itself gave him the confidence to confide in him, that he was willing to listen.

“U-um, I-“ Carlos took a deep breath before continuing, and Cecil shifted forward just a slight amount so that he could rest his head on his knee, and Carlos couldn’t help but smile, deciding to play with his boyfriend’s hair to calm himself down.

“Well, to be completely honest with you, I suppose it’s the stereotypical story. I’ve never had anything meaningful with someone who reciprocated, and the one person I did like was straight, and definitely not interested in me. I kissed him once, and shared a bed with him, but when he sobered up, he kicked me out straight away and our friendship was never repaired. I then joined the university’s GSA but most of the people in there assumed I was interested in casual sex, even though I just wanted help. I never really pursued any sort of relationship, until I met you, of course…” Carlos trailed off with a smile, and Cecil couldn’t help but admire the sight. He shifted up into Carlos’ touch and wrapped one of his arms around Carlos’ waist, slipping his hand under his shirt. Carlos lifted Cecil’s head up and stretched his legs once more so he could lay under the duvet again, and he pulled Cecil close. Cecil resumed his previous position, but with both hands underneath Carlos’ shirt, tracing light patterns around his spine. Carlos hummed at the sensation, but he couldn’t let it distract him from what he was meaning to say to Cecil.

“I suppose that doesn’t explain why sex frightens me. Obviously the guys interested in a casual shag were quite pushy, and while I did manage to push them away, it kind of put me off. I never really fancied the idea of having someone sticking it in me, nor did I have the confidence to lead in a particularly intimate way. Then I met you, of course, and I suppose I had a bit of an inward battle with myself, because I wanted to, with you, well, want to. Perhaps it’s because I’m not sure of you in some ways, I wasn’t sure if you wanted it too.” Carlos confessed, and Cecil’s hands slipped out of his shirt as he snuggled up closer.

“I want you,” were the only words Cecil said back to him, but they were the only words Carlos really wanted to hear. He would have been happy with the words uttered in a loving way, and for them to curl up for the night and sleep, but the way Cecil spoke them, a deep and lusty voice, while it gave him the same happiness he expected if they were spoken lovingly, the words also affected his body physically and a sensation began to pool in the pit of his stomach. He could barely choke out an ‘oh,’ before the covers were kicked off and he found Cecil nestled in between his legs. Carlos’ imagination went wild, of course, he’d had fantasies of Cecil doing this to him before, but never actually considered the prospect of him actually doing it, and even just the thought of it sent both his mind and his body crazy.

“You’ve fantasised about me doing this before, have you?” Cecil said with a cocky smile on his face, and Carlos knew that his thoughts had tumbled out of his mouth.

“Did that come out of my mouth?” Carlos replied, looking away from Cecil and feeling very hot, especially his cheeks.

“Yes. May I?”  
“Okay.”

Cecil pulled down Carlos’ underwear and pushed his shirt aside, revealing a partially erect Carlos. He wasted no time in pushing his lips against the head of his penis and began to suck gently, completely focused on the task in hand. Carlos, however, was not so composed. He had thrown his head back against the pillows and a rather loud moan had dropped from his lips as soon as Cecil had begun. He was resisting the urge to buck into his mouth. Cecil had used his hand not resting on Carlos’ thigh to keep him steady and pushed it inside his boxers, pulling his dick out and pumping it with a furious pace. Cecil looked up at his boyfriend with a grin as he could sense the amount of restraint he was applying and wanted to break it.

“I don’t have a gag reflex, you know, Carlos. I don’t mind if you want to let yourself go.” He spoke, moving his mouth back on to Carlos after. He took him almost fully into his mouth and began to suck a lot more harshly as Carlos tentatively bucked into his mouth. Of course, the sensation of it made his self-control dissolve, and within seconds he was thrusting with a stronger pace into Cecil’s mouth, with his face pushed into the pillow, chewing on the fabric as an attempt to muffle his moans.

“Shhhhh-“ Carlos almost swore, which made Cecil pull away and laugh, and Carlos sat up himself and pulled himself closer to Cecil. He held his hand out and it dragged along Cecil’s shirt, resting on the first button. Cecil nodded and Carlos began to unbutton the shirt, although he didn’t remove it entirely. He put his arms around Cecil and lay him down on the bed, brushing Cecil’s damp hair away from his forehead. He leant down and began to trail kisses up his chest, sucking on each of his nipples. Cecil didn’t appear to be a moaner at this time, although his arms appeared to succumb to gravity and heavily flopped down on the bed. Carlos leant over Cecil’s face and it was the picture of pleasure, eyes unfocused and gazing above, mouth hanging open. Carlos caught Cecil’s lips in another passionate, tongue-clashing kiss, both of their eyes shut, one of Cecil’s hands finding its way in between his legs, pleasuring himself.

“You seem to have gained some confidence, Carlos.” Cecil commented, slightly mocking, mostly serious.  
“Tell me what you want. Guide me.” Carlos responded, completely focused on his boyfriend. Cecil had brought the confidence, and he was sure that he could do this, he wanted to do this, desperately. He sat back and watched Cecil for a bit, pleasuring himself through his underwear and bit his lip, mesmerised by the sight of it.

“Middle drawer, there should be a box of condoms and a half-full bottle of lubrication.” Cecil informed him, and Carlos knelt over to the bedstead on Cecil’s side, pulling the drawer open. There were the items he sought in there, along with a few questionable toys that he decided to leave in there for another day (a day that he awaited impatiently, although he was grateful to Cecil for trusting him to see the contents of the drawer).

“Okay, got them.”  
“Take off my underwear, put some of the liquid onto your first two fingers and push one into me, Carlos. Gently, please. I have an idea.” Cecil said, almost demanded, and Carlos trusted Cecil’s idea and went along with it. He slowly pulled down Cecil’s pants (with Cecil moving his legs to help him) and discarded them across the room. He left both of their shirts alone, he quite liked the idea of them being on as it suited Cecil and it gave him a bit of dignity (not that it mattered) in this situation. He covered his fingers in the liquid and slowly pushed one into Cecil and kept it stationary as the both of them got used to the sensation. Cecil’s hand curled into the bed sheets and he gasped Carlos’ name.

Carlos began to move the finger slowly, soon building up a good pace which Cecil matched with jerks and quiet groans (he was particularly quiet in bed, but Carlos discovered that was something he actually liked about Cecil, because when he did moan, it was something he could appreciate more), while resisting the urge to touch himself (bodies could be so impatient!). He had worked up a pretty fast rhythm and Cecil mumbled to add in the extra finger, which he did, and moved them both in unison to, assumingly, stretch Cecil out. The quiet moans and gasps were replaced by a choked moan, Cecil arching off the bed. Carlos assumed that he must have hit the prostate, the ‘sweet spot,’ and continued to rub it, sending Cecil nothing short of wild.  
Cecil batted the fingers away after a short while, mouthing “out, out” hastily as he squirmed away from Carlos. He was confused but complied with his boyfriend’s wishes as Cecil sat up and moved closer to Carlos. He pulled him in for one last kiss, hands flying all over each other’s body but they both decided to thread them in hair (it seemed to be a thing they both liked), kissing passionately and rubbing against each other, moving with one another as their tongues clashed – although Cecil seemed to be winning this battle for dominance. They pulled away, mainly initiated by Cecil, as he slid onto Carlos’ lap and grabbed the bottle.

“Sorry for pulling away like that, I was a bit worried I was going to come. Damn, you are incredibly skilled with your fingers.” Cecil spoke, looking down at the bottle that he was unscrewing. Carlos didn’t know what to say, so settled for a simple ‘thank you,’ as Cecil poured out some of the liquid onto his hands and began rubbing it up and down Carlos’ shaft.

“Eh? Cecil, what are you doi-ah!”  
“I thought we’d go for a happy medium since you voiced your concerns, although to be honest, I think you’d have no trouble leading. Ever heard of the term ‘bottoming from the top?"

Carlos had read it in a few works of fiction before and vaguely knew the position, but didn’t have time to either accept or deny Cecil’s idea as Cecil was already working on sliding himself onto Carlos’ dick, causing the both of them to moan as he did so. Cecil was stationary for a few moments as they both adjusted their positions, Carlos, arms wrapped around Cecil’s waist, holding on to him tightly, and Cecil, arms wrapped around Carlos’ neck, one hand threaded into his hair.

Cecil began to move slowly, Carlos burying his head into Cecil’s shoulder as he moved up and down. Occasionally, Carlos met him with a thrust, although this was a more regular occurrence once he realised the gasps it provoked from Cecil. Carlos was kissing down his boyfriend’s neck as he continued to move, moving one hand up from his waist and onto the back of his head, tilting his head back for better access. Cecil, for one of the first times in the night, let out a more vocalised moan rather than a breathy gasp, encouraging Carlos to continue.

“I love you, Carlos.” Cecil gasped out, and Carlos let his head sink into Cecil’s shoulder again. His words had brought Carlos out of the his ‘fully consumed by ecstasy’ state and made him reconsider the night again, and how close he almost was to losing Cecil. He knew that, as much as he didn’t want it to, it would be something that would remain in his mind for a long time and poke its unwelcome way to the surface, but he decided to look on the bright side, and use it as a reminder to treasure every moment, every experience, and even just, Cecil himself. To always love and care for him, and to be attentive to every emotion he felt, but most importantly, to create a trust between them so that Cecil could come to him whenever he felt down, and so that he could go to Cecil, to keep them together.

“I love you too, Cecil.” Carlos responded, his voice cracking on the last word. Emotions were never his forte and he hadn’t felt them as intensely as he had tonight in a long time, perhaps not since university. Cecil pulled his head up gently and could see a tear hang off the edge of his eyelashes and drip on to the bed. Carlos reached for Cecil, cupping his cheek and they kissed again as Cecil continued to move up and down on top of Carlos. He, on the other hand, dipped his hand in between Cecil’s legs and started to jerk him off.

By now, a period of hypothetical time had passed and they were both close, with the extra stimulation bringing them even closer. Carlos went slack at Cecil’s mouth, slipping away and beginning to moan loudly and thrust more intensely as he could feel the sensation begin to build in the bottom of his stomach. He had now resumed his position against Cecil’s shoulder to try and muffle some of the louder moans with the thin material of the cloth, although Cecil jerked his shoulder to get Carlos to move, protesting that he wanted to hear the noises that spilled from his mouth.

“Oh Cecil, please, oh!” Carlos was the first to climax, gripping on tightly to his boyfriend’s shoulder as he did, although Cecil wasn’t too far behind. He continued to ride out his orgasm as Cecil came with a stuttered cry of Carlos’ name on his lips, both breathing heavily once they had come down from their high. Carlos didn’t move, kept his head hung and on Cecil’s shoulder, and sniffed once.

Cecil had managed to move Carlos back under the covers as he cleaned the both of them up, and Carlos lay there, slightly guilty and pretty embarrassed, wiping at his damp eyes. Cecil had disposed of the tissues and came back into the bedroom, lying down underneath the covers. The both of them had not bothered to find their underwear nor button up the shirts, the hot, muggy air that brought the beginnings of a storm made them more inclined to keep cool, plus, Cecil liked the feel of Carlos’ body up against him, even in something like an innocent embrace.

“I’m so sorry.” Carlos spoke as soon as Cecil got in, wiping furiously at his eyes. Cecil took his hands and moved them away, dabbing at them with a tissue instead.

“You’ll hurt them. Also, please don’t be sorry, I mean, losing your virginity can often be a difficult thing, it often provokes an array of emotions. You did enjoy it though, right? I didn’t hurt you or anything, oh, please tell me if I did something wrong!” Cecil was now leaning over Carlos with worry, and Carlos smiled and shook his head to comfort his now panicking Cecil.

“No, it’s not that, everything was what I wanted, I honestly enjoyed it and probably won’t ever forget that, you are honestly the most tender, loving person I have ever met and probably want to ever meet. I was thinking more on the lines of what happened today, and it made me think even more about the fact that I never want to lose you.” Carlos mumbled as Cecil dipped down to pull him into a tight embrace, probably only a little bit more pressure would have turned it into possible choking.

“You won’t.”  
“Promise me you’ll phone me whenever you’re upset?”  
“Only if you promise the same thing.”  
“I will.”  
“I will then, too.

Cecil moved down and snuggled up to Carlos as he stretched his arms out, feeling one of them knock on a box. He tilted his head sideways to grab the box and held it up, noticing it was the box of condoms he had gotten out of the drawer earlier in the night, and had forgotten to hand them to Cecil in the heat of the moment.

“Shit.” Carlos swore as he held up the box in front of Cecil, who seemingly had the colour drain out of his face.  
“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I am clean, though, I promise.”

“It’s fine, I believe you.” Carlos smiled as he popped the box back in the drawer for another day (a day that he hoped would come very soon to the both of them. In his mind, he had already begun planning out dates and he had vowed to try his very hardest to split his time between science and Cecil equally, and on days he couldn’t, at least text Cecil or call him in the daytime to see how his day has been. It had been a wake-up call for both of them, although Carlos had taken it to heart. When walking into this town and hearing that honey voice praise him for the first time without knowing him, he nervously blushed and stammered when his assistants teased him about ‘being in for a chance,’ to which he furiously denied. Again, they had teased him when he was suiting up for his first date, and three months on, three dates, five cancelled dates and one race-to-his-apartment-in-a-borrowed-car-and-apologise-before-he-dumps-you moment, he never thought he’d ever be as close to someone in his life romantically as he felt he was with Cecil. Looking down at his chest, he saw him curled up, snoring lightly, dreaming probably about his cat, and put his arm around him, kissing his forehead, whispering a quick ‘goodnight’ in his ear and closing his eyes to drift off too.

Cecil fell in love instantly, and so did he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man, sorry it took three weeks to do, i lost the chapter about twice and struggled to write bits and pieces some days. i hope this is to the satisfaction of the requestees, along with anyone else who has read the fic. i PROMISE i'll update my other one too, i kind of neglected it, haha.
> 
> i'm uncreativerabbit on tumblr, so if you like my writing style and have and wtnv prompts, pop them in my ask box! again, this is not beta'd so any typos or mistakes you notice, please point them out to me.
> 
> thanks!!

**Author's Note:**

> I considered developing this with an 'intimate' scene, but I was unsure if it fit the theme of the story. I may add another chapter it people would like it, however. This has been un-beta'd (I have no friends who like Night Vale), so if you notice any mistakes or chronology errors, please point them out to me!
> 
> I'm uncreativerabbit on tumblr, so if you're into Night Vale, or have any prompts/requests, feel free to shoot me a message. I'd like to befriend more people who are into Night Vale!


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